The Slug was happily enjoying a quiet drink or two at the Duke's Head pub, Putney on Sunday evening, when an interesting thing happened…

The Vesta boat-trailer, arriving back, fully laden, from Peterborough regatta, stopped in the middle of the Lower Richmond road at the Putney Embankment turnoff– for no apparent reason. The Vesta blokies then proceeded to unhitch their van and drive off at speed. Somewhat taken aback by their failure to execute what seemed to be a very simple manoeuvre, Slug wandered over to investigate - (as a chap is warrant to do in such circumstances)

On approching the trailer it soon became very clear what had occurred. For there by the side of the road sat a sparkling, new, three-series BMW, which had somehow, thoughtlessly managed to wedge itself between the trailer and the far kerb, forcing the back of the trailer to gouge something, well... deep enough to post a letter through, all the way down its side, in, I may add, a not displeasing ripple formation and giving the doors a dent each just for good measure!

But don't worry faithful reader for The slug is very happy to report that fortunately none of the boats were damaged,and the trailer looked no worse for wear. As the trailer was being manually re-positioned, with the help some of The Slug's rowing friends, Slug could not help noticing the bow-ball of one of the top boats swiping across a first-floor window of the University Mansions behind, leaving a mark almost a foot long.

It was not long before the Vesta Carscratcher-in-Chief came back to leave a note for the poor (yea right!) BMW driver, very honourable, however, the Slug could almost swear he saw the words "Please contact London Rowing Club …"



The Slug has seen and heard of many base acts from the rowing world in his short life, but was still shocked by some slime from Thames RC that has recently floated to the to surface of the lower Thames.

According to my sources one of the "lady" novices at the notorious club in black, red and white, decided that Saturday night was high time to "christen" the club's new pool table.

All fired up and bent on doing more to the green baize than Trixie Trader did to her Boardroom table (re Daily Telegraph business pages on Mondays) and with her inhibitions loostened by inebriation, she set about the task at hand. The slug could be more explicit about the "ins and outs" of the act (as her exact position was demonstrated, in some detail, on Tuesday night by one of the Thames novice men) but in the interests of good taste, we'll leave that to your imagination.

It then appears that, disturbed by the portraits of Their Royal Highnesses the Duke of Gloucester and Prince Michael of Kent gazing unapprovingly down upon them, rower and intimate friend moved and were last seen going for it hammer and tongs in the gallery!

What the slug finds really disturbing about the whole event is the accomplice in question is not even a rower... What is the world coming to...?


The Slug is not sure if it's simply the social cachet (well, isn't Derek Porter a member?), or the chance to own a "Thames RC Swimming Section" t-shirt, but some seem more bent on membership of this exclusive club, than others.

A slightly more lunatic way of joining than the usual, was demonstrated at the recent Putney Town Regatta. During one of the Mens' Novice Eights heats the enterprising young lad at number six in the Thames boat engineered such a massive crab that he was thrown clear in spectacular fashion. The stunt shocked the other two crews racing so much that they stopped altogether!

On an equally wet note at Notts city on the previous weekend, the Twickenham S1 fat girls IV+ was out practicing in the morning. After a bit of a paddle they came back in to the landing stage, out jumped the cox and bow-side proceeded to remove their blades.... problem was that it was strokeside who had their blades UP on the pontoon. The laws of physics took over from there and all four got a bit wet - right infront of the GB squad. "At least we didn't know any of them" said one soggy rower - true but they knew who you were...

In a late development The Slug has just been contacted by the bloke who managed to eject himself from the Thames eight on Saturday. He wished to make it quite clear that he had no intention of joining the TRC Swimming Section, but mumbled something about starting the Thames Rowing Club Aerobatics Club instead...

Scarey thought...


The slug was unsurprised to hear that unhappy with taking a back seat to the antics of some lardy London Boys, the Thames swimming section has once more swollen its ranks.

Let me set the scene - a balmy saturday morning and ten or so red, white and black scullers are making their way up to the Pink Lodge in order to maximise suntan opportunities. At about 7.30am they are steadily crossing over at Chiswick...enter the Thames RC Shark (a man who has already taken chunks out of several of his friends boats, the sight of whom casts a shadow of fear across the hearts of even the most experienced scullers) cutting a swathe down the middle of the river, and ominously heading in the opposite direction.

Yes you've guessed it - the inevitable was, as always, inescapable - despite a cry from a fellow sculler (in that pink boat no less) and a shout from the coaches launch the shark hit poor Caroline B-S right in the stern (oooh) and in the poor lass went!

Luckily, quick action from one of Thames' own heroic coaches (Simon Cox) ensured that Caroline was soon out of the drink - just in time to hear the heartless speed demon shout "Let that be a lesson to all of you...nobody messes with Blair Crawford!"

be warned...