|SHOOT THE PIGEON...|
Who was the dark character doing Dick Dastardly impersonations at Quintin on Sunday? All the slug can say is that when the moustachioed one was asked why he was attempting to murder the little birdies and didn't they have a right to live too? he replied only "not in our bloody roof they don't" and laughed manically.
Two "fresh" corpses were later seen floating down the river...
|BILLY'S SECRETS REVEALED?|
Rowers across the UK, nay the world, will be excited to hear of an interesting discovery by a student at Imperial College, who stumbled across the following dusty tome of forgotten rowing lore, lodged deep within the darkened recesses of IC's Haldane library.
As our intrepid hero says "Immediately all thoughts of 'Robert Hooke's scientific contributions to Wren's design for the dome of St Pauls were banished from my mind. I was gripped by the possibility that here was the secret to Bill Masons success and now it was in my hands."
Said student feels that the contents of "Rowing: A Scientific Approach" - A symposium edited by J.P.G. Williams, M.B.,F.R.C.S.(Ed.),D.Phys.Med.,and A.C.Scott, M.A. (Cantab) (first published London 1967) are too explosive to be revealed in full but has promised to release certain quotes.
From Chapter 5 'Some Psychological Aspects of Rowing' p138
" Bad-mannered and blasphemous people and those with extreme religious and political convictions do not integrate well into a crew and are liable to cause trouble: such people should therefore be avoided in crew selection and encouraged to scull !"
That these guys obviously know what they are talking about should by now be clear... the slug waits with anticipation for the next juicy morsel...
Overheard in a Cambridge pub:
Two male rowers exit the toilets together. One, looking rather perturbed, turns to the other and says..
"Now there are some things which blokes just should not talk about in the toilets. Not everybody is a rower, so not everybody will realise that a 'double Virus' is a kind of scull."
|THE SECOND FINGER OF BLAME...|
It would appear that rowers and scullers are not the only things to suffer at the hands of the IC mob, as evidence has come to light that connects these same miscreants with the recent bending of the all new boat race pole, as mentioned below...
The slug has been contacted by a source close to one of those responsible who commented
"I should like to drop the vandals in it who attacked the said post. I live with an IC rower and he described them as giving it "quite a pasting" when they crashed into it. He sights it as being "an invisible post" so perhaps needs his eyes checking... I can verify his mal-coordination and if the rest of the crew are similar in their motor-neurone functions, then posts all down the river should fear for their lives."
Pity the boat race post, for after its proud stripy form was destroyed by the Oxford lot, someone cut off the charred stumpy remains and replaced it with what looks like a rather pathetic scaffolding pole painted red and white.
But alas it seems the curse of the post has hit again, for Saturday saw said pole perched at a rather funny angle with a nice bend just above the water line... wonder who got it this time.