10-06-01BARGAIN!!
During a recent pre-Henley - Henley training session, the Slug observed a crew deep in concentration doing a piece along the island. Their coach was following their progress on his bike nearby and shouted to the bow girl,

"Where did you get that lurch at the catch?"

To which the bow girl promptly replied,

"1.99 at the bottom of the island, it was buy one get one free, so we got one each"

ask a stupid question....


06-06-01NATURAL ALIGNMENT
Following on from our report on the Peterborough pa, we should not ignore that Twickenham regatta had a moment of its own, when the umpire starting the heats of the of the Orion v Thames Tradesmen MVC4-, announced

'I will not start this race till you are all straight',

after a quick conference amongst the Orion crew, they decided to ignore the umpire and row anyway.

Various spectators were wondering why the rest of the Orion boys collapsed in laughter!


5-06-01CAMPING ETIQUETTE
The slug is pleased to be able to bring you some advice on camping etiquette courtesy of Simon from Funeral, just in time for the sumer season..

Yes dear reader - if you've gone a bit too far with your celebratory drinking and you're crashing in someone else's tent, remember to go outside the tent before throwing up.

Oh, and while you're at it, remember that when the owner of the tent shows great restraint whilst pointing out that you're lying in your own vomit, the correct response is probably not "That's nice. Oh, sorry".

so now you know.


05-06-01UHHHHHHH
Heard over the PA on Sunday at Peterborough Spring:

"...an announcement for sculler _________ of Sons of the Thames.
We know you weren't here yesterday. If you're not here today could you please come and tell us...

...if that makes any sense."


01-06-01WORDS OF WARNING...
Received on recent email, a petic view of life from a hardworking crew member who didn't make the cut, yet has ways and means of getting back in the crew...
PARTING WORDS FROM THE RECENTLY BINNED (oh, the pathos!)

They tell me
That the boat below
Is good, you know
And so with glee
With them I'll row

But just a note to say
You should take care
Going down the stair
As you never know - some day
You Just Might Slip. So Beware.

Thought I'd help Guy
Make food for the club
The spuds I could scrub
And a Special Dish I'd put by
Labelled "Senior Women Only"'s grub.

And if you have aching limbs
And flexibility you lack
I can help, and "massage" your back
Though you'll be on the bank drinking Pimms
Should a rib "accidentally" crack.

And while it may be true
That the plots in my head
Won't cause you much dread
Be wary of our Development crew
We might kick your arses instead...


Many a true word...

01-06-01TIMING IS EVERYTHING..
Overheard as a women's crew raced under Donnington Bridge (a good 1000m from the finish) during last weeks Oxford Festival of Comedy Boat Breaking:

"RIGHT, I want GOOD technique in front of the boathouses"

The boathouses were, at this stage, several minutes away, so our hapless heroines had plenty of time to plan exactly how they were going to achieve this.

Someone in the bows, however, obviosuly had her own "opinions" about the cox because, two strokes later, said cox was heard to shout:

"AND ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING IN THE BOAT!"

oh dear....


25-05-01KEEPING IT LONG...
The Slug has recently been witness to some of the world's most lengthy emails, as passed on by members of the club in Black, Red and White. For some as yet undetermined reason, all of these emails seem to originate from a certain Dr. CDJ George (PHD, MSc - Woodrot, MA - Emails).

Recent fascintating topics have included the following:

  • A thesis on 'Lightning strike safety': This gave members over 500 options to consider when rowing in electric storms -from 'rowing in a rubber suit' to attaching a 'anti - lightning bubble' to your boat which works via remote control and allows you continue training in a bubble of perfect conditions even in the worst thunderstorms. Most replies summarised these 500 options to one simple approach "Best to just stay off the water when there is lightning".

  • "Boat racking Volumes I, II, III, IV and V": This great email literary piece encouraged members to derig three eights, swap the back stays with those of nine pairs, take the doubles off the two racks in bay one and balance them on your head, split the men's eight and join one half with the women's eight and put the other half on the back of the yellow launch. Move fifteen oars to one side of the boat house, then take them to London RC, put them on their balcony, turn fourteen times to your left, spit and then take them to Vesta RC, have five pints and take off the collars, put on your work suit on and put them back where you found them before you leave...

  • "General Boathouse Labour" The Trilogy: Surley destined to become a classic of its time, this involved requests to move fifteen bags of tidal garbage in a circuit like fashion around the outskirts of the boat house 10 times at peak periods to ensure really pissing off those trying to boat (Not forgeting the 10 extra points that could be scored if they misplaced any at the back of the neighboring IC boathouse). Dig seven large holes and leave them obscured by foliage to ensure Veteran Members fall in them, drop their single sculls, wreck their shells and thus leave a free racking space.
  • Since reading the fine Doctor's lengthy emails (87 hours and 49 minutes and three cataract removals worth!) and getting feedback from those on the mailing list, the Slug is quite concerned about possible retaliation from recipients who have had servers crash at work due to data overload.

    Several ideas have already been floated as to how "The 750 SEPARATE pieces of the Doctors motorbike" can be put into action.

    Stay tuned.