|FISA START POT HUNTING...
The slug knows a few rowers who'll be pulling their hair out (or at least cutting it very short) following FISA's latest addition to the banned substance list for international regattas...
Just remember kids, drugs and rowing don't mix... and here's why
|SWEET SIXTEEN AND NEVER BEEN ER...
It would appear that one of the Molesey Juniors took advantage of all the in-tent fighting at Stourport by 'protecting' an oarswoman from Bewdley (26).
When she remarked that he might be a little young for her... he told her that he probably was, as he was 23.
Suffice to say that she believed him and they discussed the finer points of his fourth year at medical school(!) through the night into the morning.
The extent of his deception only came to light the following day when he was spotted racing in his age group ...er
.... against a 16 year old Bewdlian
10 out of 10 for effort...
|PUTTING THE CURL IN CURLEW??
A keen novice crew from Bewdley competing at Stourport (and therefore local rivals to the host club) were enjoying a somewhat successful day managing to beat Stourport in their first heat, (making it to their second final in two weeks), when they found that they were to face the mighty Curlew RC in the final.
The crew gathered around their trailer awaiting the Marshall's call - which being Stourport could have been anytime within an hour and a half of the scheduled time...
Pre-race nerves took their tole and the stroke man decided he just had to pay yet another visit to the loo, during which he spotted the Curlew crew in the toilet "doing their hair" in the mirror.
The news that the hard East Enders were, in fact, vainly preening before their heat, lulled the Bewdley boys into a false sense of security.... as Curlew ended up winning a rather tough Final by a length.
Vain??? must be elite male rowers in the making.....
|OLD ROWERS NEVER DIE
The Slug has been asked to point out that the Sons boys 'pastured off' at Quintin did not include the 'Undertaker' aka the bearded one - who has now retired to Cambridge.
It is also noted that their Saga Holidays sponsored Quintin 8 beat a crew of Molesey's finest - average age 24- and including 4 Henley medallists in the Senior 1 8's at Stourport (saturday - so pre-rumble).
QBC had a 47 year old at 3 and Averaged 41 years
We await Molesey's comments on this shock defeat, but these revelations have led the slug to wonder if there may be some truth in the rumours that men row faster after having vasectomies.. that or if Viagra should be inclded on FISA's list of banned substances...
When confronted with these allegations a source close to the QBC crew told the slug
"The Viagara supplies can only get us 350m down the course, especially at average rate of 46. After that it is experiance and class..."
|STOURING IT UP
The following conversation may help to explain why it was Molesey and not their East End neighbours from Poplar Blackwall and District, who rushed to the aid of the beleaguered Curlew rower on the Saturday night at Stourport.
Newly non-novice Poplar oarsman: "So was there a fight then? I don't remember seeing one."
13-year old (therefore below drinking age) Poplar cox'n and sculler: "You were stood right next to it - but you were too @!x?ing drunk to notice."
The question is: would friendly local rivalry have precluded any intervention, without the incapitating effects of alcohol?
|CHEEKY EASTENDERS?, I SAY WE’RE COCKNEYS
Further to the reports of some regrettable trouble at Stouport last weekend, the slug would like to let you in on another piece of hilarity involving Molesey and Curlew.
Picture the scene... it's Sat night before the ‘rumble in the big top’ and Curlew decide that it might be quite fun to steal Molesey’s ‘Scull and Crossbones’ flag from their minibus (Before somebody stole their cherished flag. Hehehhehe.)
This was achieved without too much trouble, as by all accounts the Molesey boys were all putting their makeup on and beautifying themselves…hmmm.
Fast forward a few hours, a couple of beers, a bit of BBQ action and then the trouble with the locals a valiant stand between the clubs saw off the ‘nasty locals’ . The trouble started when one Curlew rower suggested that their violent swinging of the poles may cause the tent to collapse and that it would be much more fun to watch the females in the tents claw themselves up and down the poles.. Anyway that came and went –and an ‘east meets west’ reconciliation took place after the mutual backing up during the trouble.. (see below....ED)
Errrr.... but Curlew still had their flag, what should they so with it now? (seeing that Molesey had turned out to be a pretty good bunch of chaps after all). The races came and went on the Sunday with Molesey winning quite a few... but, as events turned out, the last race of the day was the S2 8s final (at 7pm)which was to be contested by, yep you guessed it Curlew and Molesey.
The race was a hard fought one, with Curlew blasting off the start (by their now infamous their stroke/caravan man)... coming under the bridge Curlew were half a length up on the Black Death when a member of the said Black Death sparked up…
‘what’s that on the back of their bowman?’
another chirped up ‘ its our f***king flag, f**ckin excellent’
The Black Death on the bank congratulated Curlew at their cunning and audacity…Whilst the incoming losing Molesey crew , somehow didn’t look quite so happy...
At which point one Black Death oarsman turned to his fellow rower and uttered something along the lines of
‘Don’t be so f**kin stupid, if I turn round and see your face I’m going to floor you’
Ahhhhh-obviously happy at their performance - that’s crew harmony
The flag was swiftly returned to Molesey (avoiding the dejected crew) and all's well that ends well.. an excellent weekend for the Eastenders on Tour ..beer, lifting, rumble, beating Molesey.
|THE BLACK AVENGERS?
An interesting saga unfolded on Saturday night at Stourport regatta, as some locals gatecrashed the apres regatta party, no doubt looking for an opportunity to have a go at some "ra-rah! rowers" . However, it appears that the local hardcases showed astonishing powers of miscalculation in their choice of victim after they started picking on one Curlew bloke...
For close by and watching the events unfold with interest were the Molesey senior squad. After sizing up the situation they soon put aside the fact that the chap was from an opposing club and united behind the 'he's a rower, you're not a rower' ethos and piled on in. The locals were rather small and puny in comparison to our gorgeous men in black - Molesey being one club its probably best not to pick a fight with - especially seeing as they had a fairly large contingent there as well, due to the refusals from Peterborough. There were even reports that the Molesey captain was seen sitting on one guy's head with two others beating him up... nice to know that he leads by example!
The slug has been told that the Molesey 1st eight on Sunday had about 2 black eyes, one broken nose, a bloody face and lots of scraped knuckles between them,but we can only imagine what the other guys looked like... and of course Curlew joined in as well (along with anyone else who felt the need to lend their muscle to the cause)...
oh it does the slug's little heart good, to see East and West joining together across the dance floor to knock the pulp out of some non-rowing morons.... (not that we condone violence in any form of course)
Anyone have any photos?
|AND THE LITTLE ONE SAID...
The slug was sliming round the halls of the Butterfly hotel in Peterborough last weekend, trying to get a corner that was less wet than outside, when the following interchange was over heard.
Bloke 1: (knocks on door of his own room, which he's sharing with someone who disappeared over an hour ago) "Are you in there? I want to go to bed!"
Bloke 2 : (muffled, from other side of door) .. "errr. Hold on just a minute, we're just, errr, "talking""
Bloke 1: (two seconds later, incapable in drunken state of waiting) "Look, I booked this FOUR MONTHS ago, I'm buggered if I'm sleeping in the emergency tent!"
Girl: (muffled) "I can't leave yet, I havent got any pants on..."
Which, lets face it, has to be the oddest costume for "just talking" that this slug has seen.