Once I had a crew and it went so fast
But I put my hand through a pane of plate glass
Hurt like a bastard and I couldnít look,
Check-out page 12 of my best-selling book.
Once I had flat in Oxford town,
In the boat house, but the place burned down,
Phoned up a mate, and slept on the floor,
Read the full text, page twenty-four..
Only sound the breaking of another bone,
Why am I the only one thatís injury prone?
Thisíll need more than a rest - itís just too late,
Iíll spend six months immobile
Once I had pain affecting my eye,
Put it down to blond hair dye,
I had to calm down so played Barry White
Photo page nine, second from the right.
Had a cough,
Got a little drunk and then my leg broke off,
Woke up in the morning, and I felt quite rough,
But still I made the outing, yeah
Yeah, at least I retired while still in one piece
Once I had a disc, but it had prolapsed,
Hurt my knee, and my arches collapsed
Hit by the coach and fell from a tree,
All in the book, page fifty-three.