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HERE'S REGATTA EVERYBODY!
(With apologies to Slade)

Are you short of reading matter Ė arenít we all?
We all wish we had a read that could enthral
Should it have a glossy cover?
Should it fill you with despair?
Should the ads crowd out the writing that is there?

So here it is, hereís Regatta
Having teeth drilled is more fun
Whip me with holly leaves
Iíd rather read the Sun

Do you have a morbid fear when it arrives?
Does it feel like asking for a bunch of fives?
Do you worry what youíll find there, does it still come as a blow,
To see yet another piece about ďGo-RowĒ?

So here it is, hereís Regatta
Handy size and format too,
Itís not coincidence
We read it in the loo

Insomniacs just leap
When they see that paper sleeping aid arrive
Ah ah..

When the magazine arrives here please donít call
It would be more fun to cough up a fur ball
I could douse myself in petrol
And then stand close to a flame
And then ask a firing squad to take their aim

So here it is hereís Regatta
Special issues are so great -
Royal Regatta one
Arrived here two weeks late

So here it is, hereís Regatta
Is there anything to like?
Last time I felt like this
Was sitting on a spike

So here it is, hereís Regatta
Like a pamphlet in disguise
Think Iíll go to my room
And poke things in my eyes

So here it is, hereís Regatta
Faithful friend all through the years
Letís get Mike Tyson round
To chew off both my ears

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