PARTY PARTY
The lovely lay-dees of Vesta RC will be hosting a Hawaiian party at their boathouse in Putney on 17th May.
The fun starts at 7:30pm, discounted entry for those who dress to theme.

Further details at www.vrc.org.uk/docs/Vesta_Hawaiian_Party.pdf

ROWING MARKETS 2008 NOW OPEN
The 2008 rowing prediction markets are now open!

Go to rowing.inklingmarkets.com to login and trade on the results of the Munich World Cup Regatta which takes place this weekend.

Planned markets include: remaining World Cup Regattas, the 2008 Olympic Regatta, Henley Royal Regatta (all events), Henley Women's Regatta, Metropolitan Regatta and Marlow Regatta.

Other regattas and specific events at the above regattas may be added upon request.

BUSA PULL IT OFF
Thankfully, despite the farce of sprints, BUSA regatta took place with minimal issues at Strathclyde last weekend, no doubt aided by having reliable technical facilities provided by North Lanarkshire Council – lets face it, it’s a big load off when the whole course technical stuff, timing, water safety launches etc is all laid on for you by an experienced team.

The Strathclyde Park affair was not, as some have suggested, organised by the 'tried and tested SARA team', so full marks to those who pulled it out of the bag. Major kudos to: Umpire organiser Fiona Dick; the new Nige aka Fiona Rennie and Lee Boucher (who despite being a SARA guy/ex Heriot Watt, has not actually been directly involved in any previous regatta organising north of the border).

The programme ran pretty much to time throughout, and there was some excellent racing in the finals (esp the bigger boat classes on Sunday). It was all very good humoured with the only drama being the disqualification of an IC men’s crew (Mj4x?), on the medal pontoon for use of an ineligible rower, but even that went off fairly quietly.

Spreading racing across three days despite the removal of the sprint races, helped somewhat, as did the good weather, though Monday's racing was somewhat marred by a large number of scratched crews.

Best line on Umpire radio net:
Following an earlier chastisement -- M*********r Uni request to delay 8+ final as sharing a bow ball with earlier racing 4+.
aaagghhh - now about those shoes......

Finally, the umpire of the W N1x race was rather concerned as to why the 4th placed Newcastle sculler had failed to respond to his numerous flag waves - at which point she pointed out that she was visually impaired. Sadly, if he'd known in advance he would have given her clearer signals and she most likely would have won.

SMALL, SHOUTY PERSON WANTED
Cygnet are looking for Coxswains... Primarily for novice and intermediate squads (mainly rowing 4's but will also be required for helping out with senior crew training and racing). Ideally you will be small, tough, feisty & competent, also familiar with the Thames Tideway and its Navigation Code.

Your availability for weekend outings is essential, evenings equally essential but can be flexible between days. The guys enjoy a highly competitive environment and train hard to succeed however also appreciate that family and work commitments also have to fit in to an already busy schedule.

Cygnet is a small energetic club that shares great facilities with the Barnes Bridge Ladies. They are located on the north bank of the tideway in Dukes Meadows which is adjacent to Barnes Railway & footbridge and is very easy to get to.

Contact richard.keyser@hotmail.co.uk for more details.

AHEM...
Apologies for lack of updates recently - been somewhat rather pre-occupied with large coffin shaped glass buildings to the west of Heathrow airport for the last month.

Some belated updates below, but unlikely to return to normal for some time...

DOVE PIER REPORT
For those who haven't yet had a chance to read it, the TRRC's report "Lessons for Rowers", on the Dove Pier incident in October 2006, is now available in soft copy from the TRRC website.

http://www.thames-rrc.org/safety/lessons-for-rowers/

Defn, worth a read if you're ever on the Tideway for racing or training.

COME BACK - ALL IS FORGIVEN?
The "all-new" BUSA National sprints took place on Sunday at Keynes Country Park in the Cotswolds and, following the rather unpleasant smell around the forced replacement of the previous BUSA rowing committee last year, the slug was watching with interest to see if the new order would actually be able to deliver what they had promised...

Judge for yourself:

Promised - An all singing, all dancing, four lane 500m regatta course (see the poster if you want to check)
Reality - one line of buoys; one boating pontoon (which just took an 8) and a er... 500m timed head piece against nobody. Oh, and the event briefing took place a full 15 minutes after racing was scheduled to start.

Promised - Lwt championship BUSA events
Reality - athletes weigh in 200g over -go away for a sweat run - come back and find themselves now 600 - 800g over (maybe the wooden floor in the portakabin affected the scales? Who knows? Who cares?)

Promised - A race schedule and programme of events
Reality - No detailed schedule ever published, athletes paid to double up in events they couldn't possibly take part in without the aid of time travel. Chaos.

Promised - 500m 4 lane sprint racing with heats, semis and finals
Reality- take your pick - do one timed piece, two timed pieces or three timed pieces, then take your best 2 times!?! "How", I hear your cry, "is this possible if you choose to do only one timed piece???" - Well just double the one time you did, comes the response!!!!!!

Oh and one more gem - the crews' regatta starts didn't even count - as the start timing point was situated once they were up and running (380m races anyone?) - not to mention that the timing boat seen was drifting around 20m (it was eventually put back) throughout the event. The commentators were even heard to announce "sorry, we are suspending racing while we reposition the start timing point" (yes, you did read that right).

Times haven't been published yet, be we imagine they'll make entertaining reading when (if) they are...

All this doesn't bode particularly well for Strathclyde in 2 weeks time (though at least the course can be guaranteed to be in place)... Lets face it, it's pretty bad if you can't even manage the basics, like laying the course and publishing a race order in advance. It might even have been funny if it hadn't also wasted the competitors' time and thousands of hard come by student pounds.

Moral of the story?... perhaps someone should tell the ARA, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Finally, I can't leave this topic without relating the story of Nottingham University -- The night before the regatta they carefully loaded their boats onto their trailer and put the riggers in a separate van. On the morning of the race the van full of riggers arrived first, then the trailer arrived .... erm, also full of riggers, oh and some old shite boats belonging to Nottingham Rowing Club. Yes, dear reader they had completely failed to recognise their own boats and stolen the NRC trailer instead (which was presumably originally desinted to go to Lecister).

The Nottingham Uni crews apparently did manage to turn up at start, though we're not sure if they borrowed boats or just used the ones they'd stolen... the slug can only assume that the local police are now investigating...

GEORGE MARSHALL
We are sad to report that George Marshall, of Quintin BC died on April 9th, aged around 88.

George joined Quintin as an active member from Ibis Rowing Club, when the latter became defunct. Although George learnt to row when he was a young man in the RAF, he somehow managed to avoid winning his novices until he was 60 years old.

He continued his rowing and coxing until the age of 85, when his doctor advised against it.

Quintin have publised a modest obituary on their web site at quintinboatclub.org/news/2008_news.htm

SEAT RACING THE HRC WAY
The attached picture (click to enlarge) shows a Henley Rowing Club seat-racing coxless pair taking advantage of the nice spring conditions of recent weeks.

The wet person swimming on the left is Darren Rhodes (ex UTRC), which his friedn on the right is one James Padmore, 2007 HRR Brit finalist!

p.s. Don't try this at home kids... especially when it's been snowing.

ALAN HAWES 80th AT TRC
The inimitable Alan Hawes turned 80 at the end of March. Thames members, family and friends gathered in TRC for a pint and a curry to mark the occasion.

Alan is known up and down the river for his direct approach to coaching. I am sure that Thames would like to thank him for his tireless efforts in keeping the club ticking over, repairing numerous holes, knackered outboards amongst other things. Chris Swan unveiled the portrait now adorning the wall of fame (!) in the clubroom.

.. .. .. .. ..

He'll probably be asleep in Remenham next time you see him...!

ROWING MAKES THE B3TA NEWSLETTER
Not sure I believe this as:
  1. NOBODY is out at 5am, EVER..
  2. There aren't any boathouses between the bridge and lock to 'begin splashing their way up river' from,
  3. If you were waiting for the station to open, you wouldn't wait on the bridge
  4. Sounds much more like behaviour seen on the river Lea than at Richmond.
- but you may know otherwise...
* SHITTING OFF A BRIDGE - "I used to know a guy called Marcus who defined the word disgusting. After a very heavy night, Marcus found himself on Richmond Bridge waiting for the train station to open. Around 5am, rowers began splashing their way upriver. In a moment of sicko genius he decided to take a shit on them.

Crouched on the concrete ledge, it took all his concentration to control the push and balance at the same time. It was all the more difficult as he was physically trembling with laughter. A subtle change in the sound of the boats as they came under the bridge and his morning glory took flight. "What the fuck?" "Errr, you sick mother," came the shouts below. He'd managed a direct hit on his first attempt. Laughing too much, his balance started to go and despite flapping arms, he almost instantly fell off the bridge into the dirty water below. All credit to the rowers - they pulled him ashore, made sure he was alright... and then took turns kicking any remaining shit out of his body. The last thing he remembers was the expanding anus of a burly rower about to take a shit on his face."

www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue322
COX FODDER?
They just don't make adverts like this any more (thank god)
Maltesers Advert, circa1981
A reader writes:
"The guilty participants are mainly members of Auriol rowing club, soon to become AKRC, along with a couple of members of Furnivall (the first male face seen is Steve Rook, former captain and stalwart of Furnivall for many years) as the crews were organised by Peter Fielder (late St. Pauls boatman) & Barney Moore (ex Furnivall captain).
The sinking crew is stationery as the boat had snapped during a rehearsal and we were sitting on the bottom for the filmed shot. I could name most of them but as I was one of them I would prefer the anonimity in which I have lived since the shameful day."
NOT THE WEATHER FOR IT
At several stages over the weekend it looked like the Henley Races might be held in a blizzard. The forecast for Easter Sunday showed the weather getting worse as the day went on, leading the committee change the order of racing at 9am, moving the women’s blue boats to race first (just in case things worsened to cancellation levels).

In the end all the races happened although the conditions were challenging and roughened noticeably during the course of the day. Racing started at 13:30 with the Oxford Lwt reserves rowing over for a second year (the Cambridge lwts don’t have enough funding to support a second crew) and ended with the skinny boys top crews at 15:30.

The women’s blue boats race was a good one, Cambridge put in a gutsy performance, stopping Oxford from having it all their own way after their recent WeHORR victory. The light blues attacked hard off the start gaining a slight lead which Oxford took their time reversing.. When the crews reached the barn bar, Oxford were only leading by a 1/3 of a length and on hitting a patch of rough water the CUWBC crew started to move back on them, reducing Oxford’s lead. OUWBC, however, had won the toss and chosen the Berkshire station, which whilst having rougher water on some parts of the course came with the added benefit of a nice fast stream. Sensing the challenge they put in a push, holding onto their lead and winning by ½ length. A fitting result for coach Ian Shore for his last race (he’s now coaching the Welsh national squad) though he did comment that he “would have liked them to have won by more”. The Cambridge women were stoic after the race, Coach Roger Silk, pleased with the extra speed they had found since the women’s head.

The women’s lightweight race was a very close run thing, the crews practically level the entire way down the course. Cambridge had won the toss and again chose the Berkshire station. Passing Remenham, Cambridge had a lead of a few inches which they slowly extended to win by 1/3 l.

The Blondie / Osiris race would have been another close one -- if the poor 7 woman in Blondie hadn’t caught an over the head crab that is. By the time they had stopped to get the oar back and she’d got back on her seat, it was all over and Oxford had disappeared into the distance, winning easily.

Finally the men’s lwt race set off in the worst of the weather, both crews looking scrappy in the rough water. Oxford on the Bucks station led from the start and went on to win convincingly by 2 ½ lengths.

For those who'd like to relive it all from the warmth and comfort of their own living room - The official Henley Boat Races DVD (including coverage of all the 2008 races and the Prize Giving) is now available via the Rock the Boat website.

Full results with times at:
www.henleyboatraces.com/results.asp

   

The race programme entertaining as ever (question: where does one hire a police photographer to take mug shots) was, rather disappointingly, missing comedy quotes/hobbies this year – organizers, please ensure this is remedied as we’re sure it is negatively impacting your programme sales. One other point, while it's nice for crews to thank their coaches in the prgramme (where they remember to do so), we'd actually quite like to see them included after the crew lists with a short bio - one for next year?

P.s. Extra points if you can name the hobbit...

Current score:
Cambridge 1: Oxford 3 (row overs don’t count) with four to go:
Spare pairs race is on Thursday 27th at midday, Vets race is on Friday 28th at 16:30 and the men’s blue boats and reserve crews race Saturday 29th.

LEARN TO SCULL
TSS will be running another of their popular sculling courses on the Tideway during August (4th - 6th). At a cost of £180, it's open to all levels and abilities.

For more details see:
www.tidewayscullers.com/summer-sculling-course/

THAMES KAYAK CHALLENGE - UPDATE
Rowers Richard Ellera, Steve Hermes, Tom Brunwin and Simon Biddle completed their challenge to kayak the length of the non-tidal Thames at the weekend despite the horrible weather. At 7.20pm on Saturday evening (22nd March) the team finally reached Teddington Lock after 37hrs and 20min of non stop-paddling. In that time they encountered rain, snow, sleet, hail and high winds (not to mention angry lock keepers who wanted them to get off the river because of the conditions).

For 100 miles they didnt see another boat on the water. The hardest part was undoubtedly the hauling and dragging of the kayaks out and then around of every lock at night and then finding a place to boat again. However despite the horrendous weather and lack of sleep the team stayed strong and I am sure that in so doing became at least the first non-kayakers to complete this particular challenge.

The team wouyld like to thank all those who donated- knowing the level of support that was behind them was key to them paddling through to the end and not stopping through the tough times at night. And for anyone who would still like to contribute the website remains:
www.justgiving.com/richellera

Nutters.

SCRUBBERS EXPANSION PLANS
Tideway Scullers have finally had the plans approved for their new two story boathouse with tank... except it's now a one story shed.... with no tank. However, it should provide lots of dearly needed undercover racking space.

The scheme had a fair amount of opposition from local groups, but as most of the concerns were based on things like them "destroying the gates by pisarros" (WTF?) they weren't too hard to overcome once TSS got some persuasive bods down to the meetings.

As part of the deal, the club are going to be doing alot of landscaping/tidying up around the boathouse so it should all look rather nice.

As far as I know they've already rasied most of the funds required and plans are up on their website for those who want to see what's coming
www.tidewayscullers.com/boatshed-building/

BLUES AT HENLEY
For those interested in such things, the Oxford and Cambridge women's and lightweight races take place in Henley on Easter Sunday, 23 March.

If you're considering going along to watch, the timetable for the day is as follows:

The Women's Boat Race started in 1927 and has been rowed over the Henley course each year since 1977.
Cambridge have had a total of 40 wins against 22 for Oxford, who are the favourites to win following their success at the recent WeHORR.

OUWBC have three returning Blues from last year's race to bolster the Dark Blue challenge, as well as their President, Liz Rowles, a former participant in the Lightweight Women's Boat Race (2006), and the reserves race (2007), while CUWBC boat two of last year's winning Blues as part of their crew.

DUATHALON?
The Ful-on tri, triathlon club is organising a Duathalon (running and cycling) on Saturday 26th April 2008 at Chertsey MOD Test Trackin Surrey. The venue offers closed roads and challenging hills. There will be two distances on offer, with the race starting at 9am.

Good cross training and might be something that rowers might be interested in, especially if they're "approaching retirement".

The race is open for entries, see the link below for details:
www.fulontri.com/FulOnDuathlon/tabid/169/Default.aspx

GARDENING SECTION
For those who missed it on Friday - Top Gear trash Sir Steve's back garden (and he doesn't look v. happy about it)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY_Rfe4aHYA

ROWING 1 : WEATHER 1
With typical March contrariness, last weekend came in like a lamb and went out like a lion. This year it was the Vets' head which drew the short, wet and windy straw whilst the organizers of the HORR breathed a long sigh of relief that they had managed to avoid a repeat of last year’s weather related nightmare.

410 crews started in the men’s head on Saturday, and for once all of them finished. Conditions were calm and mild - perfect for racing, though fast times were hard to come by, as the stream was slack and the big guns of the GB squad were absent.

Strathclyde University turned up to boat on Saturday morning only to find one of their eights was missing. Having arrived in London on Friday, they had left it overnight by Leaders gardens in Putney, tied to trestles with the oars in the swivels. The mystery was resolved sometime later when one of the blades and then the entire boat (still tied to its trestles) was pulled from the river by Chiswick Pier. It would appear that some local yoofs had decided it would be a hilarious idea to throw it in the river. At least they got seven of the oars back undamaged and presumably were able to borrow a boat as both of their crews raced.

It's just as well the weather was good considering the amount of muppetry on show in the marshalling areas. In these days of internet access for all and events publishing marshalling instructions on-line well in advance of races there is really NO excuse. And on the subject of marshalling, for some reason there was an abnormal amount of peeing going on upstream of Chiswick Bridge (not clever and certainly not big... ahem) - what those on the Surrey side may not have realised is that, depending on which direction they were facing, they were either exposing themselves to yours truely or to the Chairman of the Amateur Rowing Association - as Di put it afterwards "it was like being at the Trevi fountain"...

Other activities on the water were less eventful this year with the after effects of an asthma attack and a cut leg the only reported incidents on the day, though Leander 1 (Palmer, Laughton, Kennedy-Burn, Williamson, Broadway, Burton, Wilkinson, Burkitt coxed by Phelan Hill) apparently had to take avoiding action when then came through Barnes Bridge to find a marshalling crew, which had boated late, broadside on and attempting to spin in front of them - didn’t seem to do them any harm though, as the pink boys romped home to retain the headship, well in front of the second placed IC Italians. With three crews in the top 10 even without access to their national rowing treasures, it's safe to say it was a good day for Leander, their second crew (Davidson, Barry, Steeds, Lawson, Randolph, Ardron, Clark coxed by Zoe De Toledo) managed an impressive third place, some 15 secs behind the 1st crew.

Molesey 1, who started second, had a bit of a run in with Collegio Imperiale, picking up a penalty for impeding them in the process. Seb Pearce, the cox of the IC crew (Petrelli, Cervanti, Borghese, Rosselli, Battisti, Freeman-Pask, Hislop and Whittaker) was initially slapped with a penalty for swearing during the incident, however... following previous accusations, the coxns of all the IC crews were apparently taping their full race commentary and on playing the recording back it was clearly the dulcet tones of the Molesey cox and stroke uttering words of olde English... ahem.

The loss of the top end athletes from the event made for some unexpected results, though it doesn’t fully explain some of the peculiar placings in the final results. London collected the lightweight trophy again but only their first crew managed (just) to scrape into the top 20, quite surprising considering that they had ten eights entered... Thames’ first crew only managed to finish 32nd on their home water – coming in behind the Scrubbers, Agecroft, Grosvenor, Henley, Thames Tradesmen, Star and Kingston first crews.

Also of note - Durham university pulled an impressive one out of the bag to finish 6th, just ahead of Oxford Brookes. I’m not sure what Wade is feeding them, but it’s obviously working.

Full results at:
http://www.horr.co.uk/Results.htm
(page down)

The Vet's head was abandoned due to shite weather on Sunday. I have it on good authority that the three foot standing wave under Barnes Bridge had something to do with the decision to cancel, though conditions were pretty horrible from there round to Hammersmith with rolling waves and white horses evident as the north-easterly wind gusted against the tide..

Nobody sank.

URGENT - ROWER NEEDED - LONDON 2 PARIS ROWING RACE MAY 08.
Have you rowed an Ocean and are looking for your next challenge?... or perhaps you would like to expand your rowing abilities beyond river rowing? Well this might be your opportunity as a space has opened up in a crew that are participating in the London 2 Paris Rowing Race on 2 May 08. They are a team of 4 girls and 5 guys aged from 22-52 and all experienced rowers.

This will be a pioneering event as it is the first time that a race has been organised and will also be the first time women have participated in the crossing>. If you think you could join the team, you will need to cover the entry fee though they are actively fundraising and have just landed a high profile sponsor.

Please contact Mary Booth, 07884 311506 or email: marybooth_usa@yahoo.co.uk

BLACK AND BLUE

With their top squad athletes currently under lock and key at GB pre-olympic training camp, it was the Molesey old guard who steeped up to the line to race against the Cambridge blue boat on Friday afternoon. The Molesey crew, coxed by Tori Sethard-wright, was a somewhat eclectic mix of ex-blues and ex-internationals, some of whom, we suspect, have been doing more training than others... It's a pity that the black death were unable to field their top crew, especially as plans were afoot to fly in Ginn and Free to join the line-up for the Cambridge race and the HORR, had Hodge etc been available to play, but such is life in an Olympic year.

Cambridge, fielding the recently announced blue-boat line up (including Toby Garnett) don't give the impression of being a particularly big crew (with the exception of 6, 5 and 4) but have clearly moved on considerably since their last public race against the Canadians.

The conditions on the Tideway were bright but challenging as a strong head wind, against the incoming tide, whipped up the water at several places along the course, making it all a bit lumpy.

It was agreed that the crews would race over the course as three, four-minute pieces, the first of which was held up slightly while Molesey sorted out their cox-box (note to remember - parcel tape isn't waterproof). With the flag down, youth soon showed it's advantage over experience as Cambridge on Surrey started to move through the Molesey crew. With a length lead by the end of the embankment, the light blues (with a much 'livlier' rhythm than their opposition) relaxed into their stride and finished the piece just past the milepost with around 3L of clear water.

The crews swapped stations for the second piece (raced from just past the milepost to the Chiswick Steps). Molesey were given 1/2 length at the start and did their best to hold onto it as Cambridge dealt with the outside of the bend but were level by the time the crews went through Hammersmith, Molesey being warned continually.

Conditions were pretty mucky round by St Pauls. Both crews coped well, though there was something odd going on with either bow or three in the Cambridge crew (which is bow rigged). The light blues had a length lead by St Pauls and just over a length of clear water by the end of the four minutes.

After swapping stations again for their third tussel, Molesey, who were given a length at the start, went off strongly and steered a very good course, pushing Cambridge over towards the Surrey arch of Barnes bridge. After much frantic shouting and flag waving by the umpire, the crews both got a good line through Barnes, after which Cambridge again edged through Molesey despite the rough water and were clear by the brewery.

There was some more entertainment when everyone got back to Putney afterwards, as Molesey Coach Tom Courtney rather sheepishly announced that he thought he had dropped the keys to their towing vehicle into the river - happily they turned up in his pocket later on (but not until after someone had been dispatched with the spare set)...

Oxford race a US crew on Saturday. The Americans were spotted heading out for an outing after Cambridge were off the water - well, actually they were spotted acting like big girls' blouses - whinging about having to get their feet wet in the cold waters of the tideway (poor diddums).

MOLESEY
S - Mark Webber
7 - Graham Smith
6 - Dave Gillard
5 - Scott Rennie
4 - Grant Biggar
3 - Jonny Searle
2 - Phil Simmons
B - Bobby Thatcher
C - Tori Sethard-Wright 		CAMBRIDGE
S - Shane O'Mara
7 - Tom Edwards
6 - Tom Ransley
5 - Peter Marsland
4 - Tobias Garnett
3 - Henry Pelly
2 - Tim Perkins
B - Colin Scott
C - Rebecca Dowbiggin

. . . . . .

MILLION DOLLAR WEDDING
More TV opportunities for those so inclinded....

Are you and your partner a match made in heaven? Do you want to win the opportunity of a lifetime?

Eyeworks TV are currently looking for couples, of all ages and from all walks of life, to take part in a new show called ‘Million Dollar Wedding’. All you need to do is come along to the auditions next week and tell their panel of judges exactly why you deserve to win a luxury wedding of your dreams... A once in a lifetime opportunity!

The panel of judges will consist of a professional match maker, a relationship therapist and one of Britain’s most loved celebrities.

The audition process is simple.....Every couple is expected to give a 30 second pitch on why they should be the lucky winners to walk down the aisle of a ‘Million Dollar Wedding’. You can do absolutely anything to convince the panel; can sing a song, recite a poem, perform a surprise proposal – just use your imagination to surprise and entertain the judges...really anything goes!

You will be asked to prepare this pitch beforehand.

The auditions will be held on Tuesday the 18th of March in London.

If you think you are perfect for this programme or you know anyone else who might be then… Contact them immediately on 020 7644 0069 or email milliondollar.wedding@eyeworks.tv with your contact details.

If you are interested in taking part but not available on the 18th please get in touch with the producers with a list of your available dates.

NOT A GIG-GLING MATTER
If you live and row in the Thames basin, where the water is of the flat variety, you're probably not even aware that the ARA is the National Governing body for Gig racing (though the numerous articles on gigs in "Mowing Rag" might have clued you up that something was afoot). Indeed, unless you row in a region with coastal clubs there would be very little reason for it to ever get above the radar...

Well, except there is the small issue of Sea-scouts.

As a result of the tough-as-nails coastal gig rowers adopting the mafia, the Scout Association (who isn't affliated) changed their internal qualification from a skills based assessment to the ARA NGB Coaching certificates in September 2007.

All of which isn't very good for the poor scouts, as none of their previous assessors can now carry out assessments. This means there will be no new 'permits' or renewals of permits until they can find an ARA UKCC level 2 Coach who understands the black arts of fixed seat pulling.

Of course, this raises the question of who is going to organise and run these tailored UKCC courses, especialy considering the coaching qualification mess already evident in the Thames region in relation to normal rowing (i.e. lots of would be coaches but not enough tutors and assessors). Perhaps it would be a good idea for the ARA to get its own coaching house in order before reaching out to fringe activities..?

Finally, Whether or not all new gigs are now required to fit bow balls and buoyancy compartments in line with the Water Safety Code of their NGB remains to be seen, however, on balance we're glad to see the fixed seat brigade back in the fold...

BASKET CASE
The yellow Cage-things are back at Hammersmith!! Apparently some baskets have been put in today for a rubbish collection going on this weekend. See the attached map for details of where they have been deposited (little red stars mark the spots).

We have been assured that they will be as flush to the bank as possible, but please keep a good lookout when rounding the St Paul's bend if you'd like the bottom of your boat to stay intact, especially those crews visiting in preparation for the HORR.

They will be removed on the 11th,

HELMET CAM...
Those who have been at head races and regattas where the Army been taking part over the last couple of years, may be aware that the club has been experimenting with 'helmet cams' mounted on the stern over the last season or so.

The resulting footage has become established as a daily-use coaching tool, which is, I am assured, in no way related to their coach's unhealthy obsession with keeping an eye on everything they do... (Well, as long as he doesn't start thinking along the lines of erg-cam, the guys will be happy!).

Army crews have commented that although they always seem to attract derisory comments at the start they have found the cameras pretty useful, especially with Mike's 'scrapheap challenge' mount (it's amazing what can be done with an old rigger, spray paint and evil intent, even though none of them particularly enjoyed watching him go at their shiny Resolute with a power drill!), and are still regretting the decision not to mount it for last year's HORR.

The actual quality is rather better than can be uploaded to the web, but for an idea of what the footage looks like check out:
www.army.mod.uk/sportandadventure/clubs/rowing/r3.htm
(Video clips are linked below the photos)

If anyone wants a custom fit, drop them a note (contact details on the website as linked)

SPLASH AND DASH
The slug was nibbling on some vegetation by Putney embankment recently, when who should we spot but one Andy Nelder, coaching for the Cotswolds.

Of more concern was that Mr Nelder appeared to having a few problems handling his launch and proceeded to lose the motor off the back while approaching the hard outside Westminster...

Perhaps someone should inform the PLA so they can issue a navigation warning?

MISSING IN ACTION
Magdalen Oxford are currently trying to track down the location of their most recent aquisition - the Torpids Cup.

This large, impressive lump of silverware has been AWOL for several years, but is likely to be loitering somewhere at the back of a college silver safe.

Apart from two years, Oriel have held it since 1978 so they are the most likely to have it in their posession. In order to help with identification of said trophy amongst the other numerous silver cups most colleges hold in their vaults, we have attached a photo of the cup, taken in 1932 (though being taken some 76 years ago, the base is likely to be slightly bigger by now).

For those interested in such things, the cox'ns name is C Komarakul na Nagara, he was Thai and went on to cox the Blue Boat the following year.

Should you know anything about its current whereabouts, please drop a note to mark.blandford-baker@magd.ox.ac.uk.

COMING TO A RIVER NEAR YOU?
The TRRC fianlly go public with their plans for a new community rowing centre at Hammersmith.

www.thames-rrc.org/hammersmith-junior-rowing-centre/

JNR SKULKING HEAD
It's interesting to note that the Schools Head's little brother (aka the National Junior Sculling Head) has now outgrown its older sibling in terms of number of competing crews. The event, which took place on Monday was back at Henley for 2008 after last year's impromtu weather-related visit to Dorney lake.

The number of crews entered in the race, which is limited to quads and octupules, would seem to indicate that the UK junior club and school rowing community is finally embracing sculling in line with ARA guidelines for juniors.

The winners' pennants were spread around a number of clubs. Tiffin won J16 4x- while Evesham took home the women's J16 4x- and Marlow went home with both open and women's J18 4x- wins.

Full results are available at:
www.mikrotime.com/rowing/row2008/natjsh08.html

The Schools' Head takes place on the Tideway on Tuesday 4th March.
www.wsbc.org.uk/shorr/

KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY
It's worth while following up the WeHORR article below, with a mention for the Tyne RC Novice eight, who won the Club Novice Pennant (beating all the academic novices). The crew and the club as a whole are over the moon and their result rightly stands alongside that of Nottingham as another great one for the provinces.

It's also worth noting that the Tyne crew had a mother and daughter team at bow and stroke - Liz Bray and Sarah Percy respectively.

More pics at www.colinpercy.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/wehorr08/

VOLUNTEERS WANTED
The organisers of the Henley boat races (i.e the Oxbridge women's and lwts' boatraces) are looking to recruit some more volunteers to assist with car park marshalling and programme sales at the event on Easter Sunday. Basically, the more people they get, the shorter the shifts... and that means more time to watch the racing!

If you think you might be able to help, please contact Adrian Sanmogan direct at
adrian.sanmogan@ntlworld.com or phone 07775 707395.

BURDS HEAD '08
With members of the GB heavyweight squad at pre-Olympic training camp in Varese, Saturday’s Women’s eights Head of the River Race was wide open for the first time in years. The impact of the missing squad women was noticable, not least in that, denied of their top athletes, Leander failed to enter any women’s crews at all, and all but three of the crews racing as Elite were from overseas.

On the day, the weather was clear but windy and the gusting conditions varied considerably throughout the race. A brisk south west wind blew ill for the London clubs, as UK universities showed fabulous form taking four of the top six places.

Setting off number one was a Thames S1 crew (FRANKUM, HAYES, JONES, THEODOROU, REID, CHICHESTER, KENNEDY and WORDLEY, coxed by Olivia Cook) who had been coached by Antonia “Bumble” Waite. To add to the competition Antonia’s husband - James - aka Krankie - was coaching the composite crew of lightweights going off at number 2 (CULLEN, SCOTT, H HAGON, DENNIS, ELLISON, BRADBURY, BRADBURY and PAULS, coxed by Phelan Hill). Though when asked if who bought dinner was riding on the result, Krankie replied that he was probably going to end up paying regardless of what happened.

In the end it was the dark blues of Osiris (SMITH, ROWLES, GALLOWAY, STAUNTON, PAULI, vAN MANEN, WHITLAM and LEE coxed by Laura Bottomley) who stepped up to the line to take the headship in a time of 19:32 – which I suspect is the first time the WeHORR has been won by a S2 crew. Starting 4th, Osiris had nearly caught Thames 1 by the time they reached the finish line. Oxford Brookes' women (BLAIKIE, LINDHOLT, BRYANT, ADAMS, MYLES, RAU, HODGES and JEFFERIES coxed by Liz O'Neill) continued to build on their HOR4s success by securing second place and the S1 pennant, five seconds behind Osiris.

Also of note, a crew, from the recently formed Nottingham Rowing Club (LINEKER, MORTON, PARKER, RELPH, BLOOR, LARSEN, JUS-BURKE and ROUND coxed by Tasmin Cottle) created a first for the event by winning the Club pennant in 19:45 beating all the large south of England clubs. All of which beggars the question that in years when a non-london club wins the club pennant, perhaps the “Provincial” pennant should be replaced with a “Tideway” Pennant? (ahem).

It’s great to see Nottingham on the rise again and with the added confidence, which comes from having a WeHORR pennant under their belts, it will be interesting to see how the women of NRC perform in the summer regattas.

The race was well attended by overseas clubs, especially those from Germany and Italy. Belvoir Ruderclub Zurich, took home the overseas pennant and it was good to see that most of the overseas crews had carefully read their marshalling instructions – more than can be said for some of the British entries...

Observers at Putney were amused to see Gonzo shouting at one of the Italian crews while they were boating as someone simultaneously shouted the translation.

At the start, officials were surprised to see one crew, who after spinning, waited patiently for stroke to fix her hair before making their way to the start line (oh well, I suppose it’s important to look good for the cameras.)

Death wish of the race goes to the crew member who reportedly told Grumpy Bill to “shut-up” at the start – we suspect the associated penalty is a life ban at best, but members of the race committee were unable to comment when asked.

At Putney the parking wardens were out in force, at least one towing vehicle had been removed by the end of the day and slug spies spotted that the Kingston towing vehicle (still attached to its trailer) was sporting a parking ticket at 8:15am. A member of the race committee (who shall remain nameless) was also spotted attempting to bribe the parking wardens into giving a ticket to the second eight from her club, who’d left their boat in a parking space - though happily, the wardens seemed more focused on removing cars..

Provisional Pennant Winners
HeadOsiris BC (A)19:32.91
Senior 1Oxford Brookes University BC19:37.11
Senior 2Durham University BC (A) 19:38.62
ClubNottingham RC19:45.15
OverseasBelvoir Ruderclub Zurich19:59.63
Senior 4University of Birmingham BC (A) 20:24.08
Senior 3Durham University BC (B) 20:26.80
School/Junior Headington School BC20:44.79
Provincial Broxbourne RC (A) 20.48.50
Novice ClubTyne RC21:08.45
VeteranBarnes Bridge Ladies, Burway, Fredensborg,
Sons of the Thames, Thames RC and Wycliffe		19:05.92 (adj)
Novice AcademicUniversity of Birmingham BC (B)21:24.87

Full results are available at
www.wehorr.org.uk/results.htm (PDF files)

OLD TO NEW
The attached photos show Leander's senior member, Jock Fletcher-Campbell, aged 96, with Imre Hunyor, current Magdalen (Oxford) graduate medical student aged 27 from Australia.

Magdalen regained the Headship of Torpids last week - a position it has not occupied since 1934 -- Jock was in that last head crew, sitting in the 3 seat, as was Imre last week. Jock had also been in the 1932 and 1933 Torpid head crews.

 
The photos were taken by the Isis, opposite the finish line.

SCULLERY DETAILS
The sculling version (8x and 4x) of the School's Head takes place on Monday 3rd March at Henley.

Details and start lists available at
http://www.thescullery.org.uk/

PARTY PARTY
The Twickenham women's squad are hosting a Bingo Night at the club on Sunday 9th March, and you're all invited.

For a mere five pounds entry, you'll get unlimted bingo all night starting at 7pm.

Tickets available on the door.

ANOTHER QUALITY ITV PRODUCTION?
It would appear that the bods covering the boatrace at ITV, recently borrowed a boat from one of the Hammersmith Clubs so they could film some pre-race footage (as you do).

"er..Nothing comedic in that" I hear you declare, however when the TV bods had the boat set up for filming, they reportedly announced that they "didn't like the oars" as they were "too long".... Then, in that infinite logic unique to TV-land, decided it would be a good idea to REPLACE THEM ALL WITH SCULLING BLADES... as "nobody will notice".

So keep your eyes open for a continuity error of epic True Blue proportions when the trailers start showing.

It's also rumoured that the pre-race promo features a rower getting 'pumped-up' for his race by grabbing an oar and snapping it in half over his knee... (cough, cough, splutter.)

Now, as any fule kno, you really shouldn't try that at home unless you have a doctor handy... so it'll come as no surprise that Sims are reported to have made them a special easy-snap blade to use (we would like to point out that suggestions that it was, in fact, a normal Sims oar are completely unfounded).

CELTIC CHALLENGE
On May 3rd Imogen Crawford-Mowday and Sian Findlay, who row with CORC in Oxford, are joining the Tenby Sea Rowing Club to take part in the Celtic Challenge which is a 90 mile rowing race across the Irish Sea.

They will be racing for charity and aim to complete the race in around 16 hours - through day and night. They are currently looking for help with food and clothing and still have scope for some more corporate sponsorship.

To donate to the Paul Sartori Foundation please visit their online Just Giving Page at
www.justgiving.com/tenbycelticchallenge

Contact Imogen (imogen.crawford-mowday@prm.ox.ac.uk if you would like more information or if you can help with donations of high calorie sports drinks and food or for corporate sponsorship opportunities!

CROSS COUNTRY ROWING
More bumps related boat cruelty for your entertainment. This week it's the turn of Fenland poly and, judging by the attached photo, Downing's second women's crew have started off the light blue's lent bumps with style.

Oh course, readers with a long memory may recollect that it's only two years since they did this the last time, so they do have some experience.

See www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=543081573380&oid=12281715922, for some quality video of the 2006 crash (abut 2 mins 20 secs in).

I have it on good authority that DCBC would like to make known two facts about the actions of their wonderful W2.

Firstly it is exactly the same boat which mounted the bank two years ago and
secondly the boat was not damaged during either occurrence -- particularly impressive this time seeing as the bank is concrete at that point.

PUBLIC MEETINGS
The PLA will be hosting an open meeting at LRC on the 18th of March (see attached link), so if any of you have anything you wish to get of your chest in an open forum this is the time.

The main topic of conversation is likely to be tree-cutting along the river banks, something that is popular with river users but less popular with those who look at the river bank - so if you are in favour of it please come along prepared to say so.

They will also be discussing the rowing code and the issues that have arisen from that. Any other topics of interest can just be brought up on the night.

www.portoflondon.co.uk/display_fixedpage.cfm/id/2313/site/events

TORPID TALES
Imagine the scene - a wealthy benefactor has just presented your college boat club with a brand new Empacher. Do you:
  1. Forget to add the new vessel to your insurance policy
  2. Decide it's a good idea to use a boat designed for straight lane racing for bumps without putting on a larger rudder to help you round the corners
  3. Smash the three week old boat into the bank and some trees
  4. All of the above...
Such a conundrum faced University college as they took part in Iffley special school's Torpids last week. Judging from the attached photos (not for the faint at heart), you can probably take a good guess as to which of the above applied...

New college also had a less than ideal few days. Their first Men's crew conceeded to Pembroke on Wednesday after ejecting a member of the crew into the river (and to add injury to insult, the poor sod apparently got a dislocated shoulder for his troubles). There's even a clip of the moment captured on youtube for posterity. Not too clear, but at about 39 seconds there is an obvious wobble in the 3rd boat and you can then see his head bobbing in the water behind the boat from about 51 seconds onwards.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG_CEB9zWzM

The crew then continued their run of back luck by plummenting from 3rd on the river to 10th over the next few days

Also heading downwards were Oriel, who had lost both the men's and women's head postions by Saturday, meaning that for the first time in many a long year, they don't hold any summer eights or torpids headships.

(Should have kept the dayglo-white lycra...)

COX'NS WANTED

Molesey are in need of an additional cox for the HORR, and also leading up to Henley. They have around 20 guys in their Thames squad and will definately need a cox for a brit four and also the Thames Cup eight.

Anyone interested should contact chief coach, Tom Courtney, at tom.courtney@moleseyboatclub.org.

OVERHEARD
An announcement by a marshall at the Hammersmith women's and Juniors' Head

"Ladies, take your tops off now please".

especially dubious as the crew in question had already disrobed down to their all in ones!!

2008 JIRR, THAMES REGION SELECTION
The Thames region gets split into two (Thames Upriver and Thames Downriver) for the Junior Inter-Regional regatta, which takes place on 19th April this year. Upriver consists of clubs & schools from Oxford to Wraysbury (Div 10 to Div 13), while Downriver encompasses those from Staines to Putney (Div 14 to Div 19).

Does your club have any J14-J16 girls and/or boys who would benefit from multilane racing experience at Nottingham's Holme Pierrepoint, home of the National Schools regatta and the National Championships?... If so, the Junior Inter-Regional Regatta is a fabulous way of developing your athletes and they get some free kit!

The Thames Downriver team are hoping to include as many clubs and individuals as possible in the competition and are inviting clubs & schools in their half of the region to put forward their crews for selection - CLOSING DATE IS 25th FEBRUARY

The events on offer at the JIRR are as follows:

Please contact Rachel Knight (rachelaknight@btinternet.com, 07917755055) or Andrew Eames (a.eames@blueyonder.co.uk, 020 87428037) for more details or if you would like to put a crew forward for selection.

Performance in the Scullery (NJSH) and SHORR will be noted.
Selection will depend on the numbers and types of entries received.
For any event that needs a 'race off', trials will be held at Dorney Lake on 15th March (HORR day).

Thames Upriver clubs & schools should contact Chris Boothroyd (chris.boothroyd@henleyrowingclub.org) for details of Thames Upriver selection.

BOAT RACE FIXTURES
Or reasons to stay off the Tideway, numbers 53,54,55,56,57 and 58...

  • CUBC v Canadian VIII (training session only)
    Date: Friday 22nd February
    Time: 13:30

  • Goldie v University of London
    Date: Saturday 1st March
    Time: 16:00

  • CUBC v Molesey BC
    Friday 7th March
    12:25
  • Goldie v Molesey BC
    Date: Saturday 8th March
    Time: 12:45

  • OUBC v US VIII
    Date: Saturday 8th March
    Time: 1330

  • Isis v Polish University VIII
    Date: Wednesday 12th March
    Time: 15:30
Consider yourselves warned.

REMEMBERING PAUL
City of Oxford Rowing Club will be holding a boat naming ceremony for its new eight on Sunday 24 February 2008 at 1pm, as an affectionate tribute to the club’s valued friend Paul Hiscock, who died in late 2006. The purchase of the boat has been made possible by the generous donations of a large number of Paul’s friends, colleagues and family and the club would now like to invite everyone who knew Paul to celebrate his memory.

Paul began rowing as a teenager in Oxford for Hannington Rowing Club which amalgamated with Neptune Rowing Club in 1968 to form City of Oxford Rowing Club. He enjoyed many regatta successes across the country. In the early 1970s Paul left the club to travel and went to live abroad; on his return he turned his hand to coaching, and his knowledge and absolute love of the sport was transferred to novices and experienced rowers – many in the club today were guided by him.

His eye for a crew was legendary and other coaches would often look to him for advice. He developed enduring friendships with many in the rowing world. His loss has been deeply felt by the club and a large boat, named for a larger-than-life character, seems a fitting tribute to this witty and wise man who loved rowing and all the good things in life.

Please join us on the 28th for the naming followed by a buffet lunch in the club bar.

ARE YOU MISSING FANNY?
It would appear that someone has lmanaged to leave a de-rigged coxless four on Trentside after the Trent head - The boat's name is "Fanny" (We kid you not)!! Previous owners of this fine vessel were Thames RC and Tees RC and our embarrassed young lady has a tattoo tight on her Proud Bows TEE007.

Who claims this girl?? Are there any Mr Darcy types out there that can protect the semi-naked Fanny from the Naughty Mr Wickham’s of Nottingham?If you think your club may be missing something, we suggest you contact Bernie McGuckin (berniemcguckin@googlemail.com) quickly, before someone repaints it (or elopes with it!!)

RIVER CLOSURES FOR THE MARCH HEADS
Useful for planning outings around the races if you're not taking part.

www.portoflondon.co.uk/notice2mariners/index.cfm/flag/2/id/2979/site/navigation

2008 RULE CHANGES
A useful summary of the most recent rules changes. These will come into effect on 1st April 2008,

Includes no more jumping overboard for the good of the crew and some changes to internationals' point allocation.

http://www.oara-rowing.org/render.aspx?siteID=1&navIDs=1,44,117,457,1479

AGE BEHIND BEAUTY?
Overheard at Inverness eights head on Saturday, as a veteran male sculler was being overtaken by a women's double.

"I'm 52...(gasp), arthritic...(gasp), and alcoholic....(gasp) -- so after you ladies!"

HAMMERSMITH WOMEN's AND JUNIORS' HEAD
Results from Sunday's race are now on-line.

www.akrowing.com/results.php?result=2008-hwjh

CLUBS AUDITS...
Friday evening, and the ARA's list of Thames region defaulters has shrunk considerably...
A CAPTAIN WRITES...
"Gutted to be on your board of shame. I should, however, point out that I submitted our safety audit to the Thames Tradesmen's CWSA weeks ago and he, Nick Watkins, has yet to pass it on to the Regional Safety Adviser ... Nick Watkins.

As you can see, there is a fundamental communication failure here..."

(Oh well, on the plus side he does make exceedingly good cakes - ED)

READING UNI HEAD
If you're looking for some pre-HORR practice races, it's worth noting that entries for Reading University Head close this Saturday (16th Feb); OARA only, with cheques to the address given on OARA.

The race usually attracts a good number of Tideway clubs and Oxford Uni/Isis frequently make an appearance too. With any luck, the river conditions and weather forecast should be good and organisers are very confident the event will go ahead.

For more information, please email the new President, Rhiannon Jones, on president@rubc.net.

NATIONAL JUNIOR INDOOR ROWING CHAMPS
It's back, and this time it’s going to be bigger than ever... Last year over 800 athletes from across the whole of the UK took part in the NJIRC, and as a result the event has outgrown Hammersmith Town Hall and is moving venue to the huge Genius Site in Battersea Park for 2008.

The event is on 5th March and entries close on 22nd Feb. Organisers are hoping to attract over 1000 competitors aged from 11 – 18 this year, with bronze, silver and gold medals for all category winners. Overall Boat Race’ winners will receive their own trophies and thanks to Concept 2, there will also be brand new ergos to win.

Also on offer is one experience that money cant buy – the winners of the Boat Race Relay Races will be invited to follow either the Isis – Goldie race or the main Oxford – Cambridge Boat Race in boats driven by the Royal Marines. Not only watched by the many, many thousands of spectators on the bank but also by an estimated TV audience of 100 million people world wide!

To add to the excitment, the Boat Race Company and London Youth Rowing have arranged to have the Boat Race Crew Announcements made in front of competitors on the day, so those taking part will get to meet the guys who will be racing in The Boat Race a couple of weeks later!!

To take part, simply go to the website (www.londonyouthrowing.com/events/njirc) and download the entry form. . You can also print out the poster on the website for your club notice board or alternatively, email Matt Rostron at mrostron@londonyouthrowing.com who will send you some in the post, free of charge.

Organisers are still going to have other fun, interesting things to do at the event such as a graffiti wall, skate park, DJ’s, climbing wall. Circus skill area and even street dance classes!

MARCH 5th 2008 – GENIUS SITE, BATTERSEA PARK, LONDON - It's going to be big – are you up for it?

COAT AND BADGE
The annual Doggett's Coat and Badge race for newly qualified Thames Watermen and Lightermen was first contested in 1715 and is thought to be the oldest continuing sporting contest in the World.

The prize giving for the 292nd race took place in the civilised surroundings of Waterman's hall on Monday evening and was well attended by representatives of the Tideway clubs, who give the competitors lots of help and support every year.

The winner of the 2007 race, Jude McGrane was sporting his lovely new outfit (which appears to have been cut to allow room for expansion). Prizes were presented by current master Ken Dwan, while the master in waiting (ex-sec of HRR) Richard Goddard, was showing off his Mistress to be (has anyone told Iain yet...?)

WATCH OUT, UH ARE ABOUT
The United Hospitals Head Race will take place on the ebb tide between Syon Pavilion and Chiswick Bridge on Saturday 16th February 2008, starting at 11:30.

In order to assist the race, and for the duration of the race only, Section 2.4 Restricted Zones, of ‘Rowing on the Tideway’, is temporarily amended insofar as competitors in the race may overtake within the Restricted Zones of Kew Road and Kew Railway Bridges.

All effort will be made to cause as little disruption as possible but patience and cooperation would be greatly appreciated, so might be best to avoid the area if you can - VISITING CLUBS TO THE TIDEWAY, TAKE SPECIAL NOTE PLEASE!!!

THE END IS NIGH...
Naughty, naughty.... It would appear that the following Thames based clubs haven't submited their Safety Audit for 2007 - 2008 (due 31st December 2007), so if they don't pull their finger out before Friday they will automatically be SUSPENDED from the ARA, which means that from this weekend they are no longer allowed to race and their insurance may well be negated

Just as well there are no major races coming up in the next month or so, eh?

For a full name and shame list of nationwide defaulters, see
http://www.ara-rowing.org/render.aspx?siteID=1&navIDs=1,249,251,1133

Tut, tut.

COXN'S WANTED
A couple of requests for light, loud people...
COACH EDUCASHUN
The Thames region is rapidly drifting down UKCC creek without a paddle, as despite being home to over 40% of England's rowers, a severe lack of coach educators and assessors in the region means that it is highly unlikely, if not impossible, that the ARA's stated targets for qualifying coaches can be met.

To put it bluntly, the ARA's decision to get into bed with the UK Coaching Certifcate scheme and play footsie with Sport England, appears to have been rather ill thought out, as the profile of the UKCC, who declare one of their aims to be "professionalising the role of the coach", doesn't sit comfortably alongside a sport which relies heavily on amateur (read volunteer unpaid) coaches.

For example, conversion courses to UKCC Level 3 for existing bronze and silver qualified coaches, are currently expected to cost in the order of £750 (non-residential) - but why would a volunteer coach who has already got a silver or bronze qualification, pay that amount of money to convert to a UKCC level 3, when it is not going to bring any additional earning potential with it??? It is also unlikely that many clubs will be amenable to coughing up that sort of money in support of their volunteer coaches, so where exactly does that leave us?

It would appear that a basic need (that of coaches who simply want to expand their rowing knowledge or pick up new techniques without having to pay vast amounts of money or do structured exams) has been totally overlooked by the Mafia in their rush to sign up for government funding.

Since their introduction into rowing, a number of UKCC level 2 courses (pitched as roughly equivalent to the old IA award, but with some content from the old Bronze level) have been organised within the Thames region, but two years into the new set-up the majority (around 80%) of people who have done a course are still to be assessed. The design of the coaching courses means that the assessors have to go to the would-be coaches rather than the other way round, and finding individuals who are willing to give up their spare time for free, in order to travel around assessing people, is easier said than done (note, assessors MUST be different people to those who taught the coaches being assessed) .

The TRRC is highly concerned about the number of tutors assessors in the region, as getting more names on the regional list is critical if our local coaches are going to have the opportunity to get a qualification. There is a course scheduled for people who are willing to become UKCC Level 2 course tutors, on the 8th and 9th of March (venue Molesey) ,as well a course for potential assessors on the 29th and 30th March (venue TBC)... But these aren't free, so basically you'll have to pay in order to help the ARA meet their targets...

  • The cost of the CTS Tutor course will be £321 (non ARA members) £300 (ARA members).
  • The cost of IAP’s Assessor course will be £381 (non ARA members) £360 (ARA members) of which 50% is funded by the ARA.

    As well as the ARA funding 50% of the Assessor Training centrally (though not the tutor training), there has been some discussion about the TRRC funding some of the costs for anyone based in the region, and Sport England funding may also be available to some candidates.

    Candidates must therefore be potential Saints (or wealthy) as well as needing to be Bronze or Level 3 qualified. For more details or to express an interest, please contact phil.simmons@ara-rowing.org or sarah.birch@ara-rowing.org

    Finally, for insurance purposes, rowing coaches without an IA are highly recommended to ensure they have the UKCC Level 2 award, so if you're one of the 100 or so people in the Thames region who have completed a L2 course but who still haven't been assessed (and it's within two years from the date you started the course), please contact your CDOs (same contacts as above) and they will do their best to get you through the last step.

    • 2008 DEWAR SHIELD RESULTS
    Auriol Kensington and Furnival SC share the Dewar Shield this year, after receiving equal points in the race and finally ending AK's run of five successive years in which they won outright.

    Somewhat ironically Sons, who organised the race this year and who were behind a change to the points system (It used to be 6pts for first place down to 1pt for sixth) would have won if they'd kept the old points system...

    Full results on the AK website at
    www.akrowing.com/results.php?result=2008-dewar

    WHAT ARE YOU ROWING ON?
    A member of one Tideway club recently suffered blistering on his arms from contact with river water.

    The "burns" are apparently consistent with exposure to Sodium Hydroxide and it is thought that the effects were worsened because the chemicals got into his blood stream through open blisters.

    By all accounts chemicals are usually diluted enough by river water not to pose a serious danger. However, it is a timely reminder to all active rowers that Thames water isn't clean and carries harmful chemicals as well as disease.

    Please be careful always to:

    1. wear some sort of footwear when getting into and out of boats;
    2. cover all open wounds and blisters that are likely to tear before outings (stop to reapply dressings if necessary during outings);
    3. do not swallow river water and do not use water botttles that have come into contact with river water (i.e. sitting in a puddle in the bottom of the boat);
    4. ensure that you wash your hands and disinfect any open wounds as soon as possible once you finish your outing.
    BOUSTEAD '08
    The annual London vs Thames grudge match, otherwise known as the Boustead Cup, took place on a cold, fast Tideway on Sunday morning. It was unclear in advance whether crews would be able to to the full course, or even if it would be cancelled, however in the end, once the tide had turned it rapidly became clear to the umpires (the two Martins - Haycock and Levy) that racing on the ebb tide, beyond Hammersmith was out of the question. So the course was shortened (Chiswick to the flagpole on Dove Pier opposite St Paul's.

    Phelan Hill got a welcome change from cycling at Caversham, having been called back to cox the LRC 1st VIII but would he be able to demonstrate the level of clashing 'expertise' of his Olympic VIIIs rival Acer Nuttercox?

    After the safety briefing, umpire Haycock took the Captains of LRC & TRC plus their 1st VIII coxes aside for the toss for stations...

    Umpire (to captains): "So do you know which stations you'll choose if you win the toss"
    Captains: "Yes"

    TRC correctly call heads.

    Umpire: "Thames, which station do you want?"
    TRC Captain: "Surrey." (A somewhat unusual choice when starting from Chiswick, I'm sure you'll agree)
    Umpire: "Thames choose the Surrey station. London , you have Middlesex"
    TRC Cox to Captain (looking aghast): "Err, but we wanted Middlesex"
    TRC Captain: "Ahm, When we said 'Surrey', we meant for the other race. Can we have Middlesex for this one please?"
    Umpire (Taken aback): "No."

    The races themselves were in many ways the least exciting part of the day. Though the slug never did find out why TRC arrived at Chiswick late for the start and some 15 minutes after LRC.... That aside both races were started cleanly, all coxes behaved impeccably and LRC won by 14 and 28 secs in races 1 and 2 respectively.

    Racing over, the final piece of fun was getting the crews back to Putney safely, as conditions past Hammersmith were truly horrendous, so the umpires and support launches accompanied the boats back home to a nice slap up lunch at LRC.

    COX NAVIGATION?
    Heard at the Hampton Head on Saturday (yes it did go ahead), from the cox of an exhausted S/J 4+ hailing from a school which is located a good way north of the Thames Region.

    As they passed the "green doors" the cox bellowed:
    "NOT FAR NOW !!!!!!" (pause) "I DON’T KNOW FAR IT IS !!!!!"

    Shortly after which a kindly old umpire helpfully offered "about 400 metres" via his loudhailer...

    whoever said umpires have no sense of humour ?

    CUT PRICE NEKKIDNESS
    Get your rowing nudey calendars on the cheap. Rock the Boat are now selling the remaining Staines (that's Staines not stained - Ed) ones at a reduced price along with the Bournemouth Uni BC calendar and the St.Andrew BC calendar.

    www.rock-the-boat.co.uk/cat-5-subcat-12-product-330

    PASSPORTS PLEASE
    Regular Tideway rowers will probably have noticed that the semi-permanent red boards upstream on the Thames and elsewhere are resulting in an increased number of visiting crews coming to the Tideway.

    In order to help mitigate some of the problems which can arise from having lots of crews who don't know the Tideway well, out in the thick of things, the TRRC will have a large launch patrolling the tideway at weekends in the coming weeks.

    Its first outing will be next Saturday (2nd Feb). The launch will be manned by very experienced Tideway people who will offer advice, guidance and direction.

    Because of the very heavy stream, Tideway conditions are abnormal and it is essential that all visiting crews take advantage of the local knowledge of their host club before they consider boating. As heavy rain is forecast for the end of the week it is likely that the incoming tide will be held back by the heavy outgoing stream, resulting in confusing conditions.

    Make sure you are familiar with the Tideway Code, and check for local knowledge.

    p.s just to be clear - the Tideway navigation pattern changes based on the direction of stream flow, NOT on whether the river level is going up or down (i.e. the river level can be going up from the Tide coming in, but the water is still flowing out, due to heavy land water coming down - so in this case crews should still navigate as if on an out-going tide.)

    QUINTIN HEAD '08
    Saturday morning dawned cold and clear as the Tideway played host to what is becoming a rare event these days - a head race that hasn't been cancelled due to the conditions... (the slug can only suspect that the mustachioed one has started sacrificing pigeons to the weather gods again)

    The Quintin head was particularly well attended this year, no doubt due in part to the lack of racing anywhere else on the Thames. Over eighty crews made it down the course, though by this stage the weather wasn’t quite so pleasant and a number of crews were a tad late to the start.

    Last years winners, University of Bristol, were back again to successfully defend their title, the stream helping them to knock an impressive thirty seconds from their 2007 time. Imperial college’s top two boats and Westminster School took the following three places (obviously no worse for their rush to the start).

    Notable and pleasing on the day was the strength of junior rowing on show, with four of the winning boats coming from local schools. Worthy of mention are the Lady Eleanor Holles J18 crew who were the fastest women’s crew on the day, and Kingston Grammar School’s second eight who fought off five crews to win S4. Full results are available at
    quintinboatclub.org/Head/QuintinHeadResults_2008.htm

    SMALL, LOUD PERSON WANTED
    A growing mens squad at Mortlake, Anglian and Alpha (based by Chiswick Bridge) are in need of a cox. Experience is not necessary but commitment to doing weekend mornings is. They can train you to the required level if you've not done it before and membership to the club is free which includes use of the gym, boats and the subsidised bar!

    They're a very friendly group who are looking to race often including all the tideway heads and are very confident of having a successful year. If you're interested then please mail jim@maabc.com.

    FUNERAL DETAILS
    A service will be held for Richard Moody (see below) at the Chelmsford Crematorium, Writtle Rd, Chelmsford, CM1 3BL, next Thursday (10th January). It will be in the South Chapel starting at 11am.

    After the service, everyone is invited to join his family for some food and drink, at the Marygreen Manor Hotel, London Road, Brentwood, CM14 4NR. Hopefully people with cars will be able to give lifts to those who came by train.

    They would like to invite everyone who was a friend of Richard to come to the service, and to eat and drink with us afterwards, including all his friends from Leicester, Nottingham, Essex and London. Many of you we would be meeting for the first time but don't let that make you feel any less welcome. The more the merrier.

    RICHARD MOODY
    It is with great shock and sadness that we report the tragic death of Vesta member Richard Moody over the Christmas break.

    Richard, who had also rowed with the University of Leicester and in the Nottingham Rowing Clubs, was a much liked member of the men's senior squad who had a great enthusiasm for rowing and club camaraderie at Vesta. Joining in the spring of 2007, Richard rowed for Vesta in the Thames Cup at Henley Royal Regatta last year and was also successful at Kingston Regatta and the gruelling Boston Marathon. His modesty, sense of humour and easy-going nature will be sadly missed. Our deepest condolences go to his family and friends.

    Details of the funeral arrangements will be posted here shortly. Informal drinks in his memory will be held in the club bar on Saturday 5th January from 12 noon.

    LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE?
    If you're up for trying something a little different at the end of next summer, then we may have just the thing for you...

    Surfboat racing in Biarritz.

    Ocean Thunder is a televised sporting event in Australia and is coming to Europe to test our waters and our rowers. Ocean Thunder Europe hits the stunning Grande Plage in Biarritz on 5th September 2008 and is open to crews from all over the world – so you will get to rub shoulders with Olympians, surf boaters and fellow club rowers alike.

    Entries from crews of four are needed – both male and female - from any UK rowing clubs. So if you think you're up to taking on the Austrailans by ditching 2K lakes for the open sea, changing your Cox for a Sweep and learning how to turn round buoys, suddenly life and rowing could become much more interesting. With surfboat rowing there is so much going on that it takes more than technical ability alone to win.

    Ocean Thunder Europe is followed by the 21st European Surf Rowing Championship on 6th September and crews will get to take part in both days of racing. So why not don your Speedos and bikinis and make your way to Biarritz for what could be the ultimate end of season rowing event (and a chance to appear on TV).

    More details and entry forms can be found at www.europeansurfboats.com/ocean_thunder.php.

    Or get in touch with UK contact and Ocean Thunder event organiser, Corrine Meadmore:
    corinne@meadmore.net
    0788 191 4080

    Facebook Group is at : www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=29467470272&ref=nf

    MORE NEKKIDNESS
    Yet another naked rowing calendar hoping to grace your wall for the next twelve months. This time it's Edinburgh University Boat Club who are trying to raise funds to buy much-needed new equipment by getting out their equipment.

    Members of the men's and women's squads have posed in a number of rowing-themed pictures by photographer Devon Walshe; blades, boats, in the club's Edinburgh boathouse on the Union Canal; all that's missing is their clothes!

    The calendars are now on sale, with details on the club's website -
    rowing.eusu.ed.ac.uk/fundraising/naked_calendar.html

    BY ROYAL APPROVAL
    Congratulations to Pauline Rayner, the Chairman of Thames Rowing Club, who received a MBE for 'Services to Sport' in the new year's honours list.

    (There doesn't appear to be any other rowing related honours this year)

    Full list can be seen at
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/29_12_07_hons_queen.pdf

    THE BEST LAID PLANS...
    Competitors at the Walton SBH this weekend, found themselves lining up to race down the course at Dorney instead, after strong stream conditions on the Upper Thames, forced the organisers to opt for plan B.

    Mind you, it was so fecking cold that the TSS boys really should have thought twice before wearing white lycra tights - as they clearly showed they'd suffered same fate as infamous brass monkey...

    The 1st division was late, as once the first three crews had gone through the start, the timing team suddenly realised they couldn't read numbers and had to start over again. It took a further 20 mins to change to plan C, so there were lots of very cold and grumpy scullers by the time they came to race.

    Remember, you can't always count on the kit police to check you're wearing enough warm clothes when you boat, so try to be prepared for the conditions.

    SJA AWARDS
    The combined talents of the UK's Sporting Meeja-scum decended en masse on the Brewery in central London last week, for their annual christmas piss-up (otherwise known as the Sport's Journalists Awards).

    Hosted by the Sports Journalists Association, the lunch was attended by around 400 journalists, athletes and guests, including two BARJ (British Association of Rowing Journalists) tables kindly provided by GB rowing sponsors Siemens.

    The Awards were hosted by Barry Davies and a good time was had by all: Katherine Grainger picked up UK Sport’s award for fair play and inspiration (a large glass trohpy which wouldn't look out of place as a murder weapon in an episode of CSI) and Andy Ripley did a sterling job of introducing the raffle (which raised £3500 for the Prostrate Cancer Charity) starting with the immortal line "Barry has a penis..., and illustrating exactly why he fits in so well at Tideway Scullers.

    CUBC SHUN TRUE LOVE FOR ONE NIGHT STAND
    The first of the trials eight races for the 2008 boatrace took place on a cold but sunny Tideway on Tuesday afternoon.

    The Cambridge crews ‘One Night Stand’ (strengthened by three returning Blues - President Dano, cox Rebecca and Tom Edwards) and ‘True Love’ (missing Marco Espin who was ill) raced over the course,

    In the end, (and perhaps unsurpisingly for CUBC men), One night stand won the day, beating True Love by three lengths).

    The Oxford crews (rumoured to be "bitter" and "twisted"...**grin** - ED) race this afternoon. One of their coaching launches was spotted making a unaccompanied bid for freedom on Monday as it drifted away from the bank at Putney - you'd think they'd have realised the Thames was tidal by now...

    Keep an eye on the official website for race reports and crew lists
    www.theboatrace.org/article/newsandmedia/latestnews

    SCULLERS HEAD INFO PR0N
    It may be uber-geeky but something tells me that there's segment of the readership who just love this sort of thing - i.e. a salacious representation of boring data as pretty-coloured pictures - even if they won't admit it...

    Attached are two PDF files, giving an alternative view of the results of the Scullers head for the last 2 years:

    The chart plots everyone’s finish time against their start position, with each sculler colour-coded by category

    Each category label (eg “MVC”) on the chart is placed at that whole category’s average finish time and average new-entry start position

    The Top 100 or so correlate well with previous year’s finish position, though it also suggests that the new-entry start order might be better redesigned.

    MOTIVATIONAL COMMENTS PART 7
    The latest installment...
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY
    Perhaps of passing interest to older Tideway folk; Wednesday 12 December is the centenary of the founding of the Westminster Bank Rowing Club , originally in the form of the London & County Bank RC .
    EXTERIOR DECORATION
    Another contribution from Novice Fairbairns; courtesy of the Queen's novice men.

    http://www.rowphoto.co.uk/events.php?event=fairbairns_2007&image=IMG_FBN07_0595.jpg&crew=109

    As can be seen from the many holes in the rotten woodwork, the vessel on the receiving end is not exactly the most sea-worthy of boats.

    Thought, that said, it's not often that an eight beats a cruiser in a game of who's strongest... (and they did have a bowball - at least they did before they made contact)

    MORE INSPIRATIONAL COACHING QUOTES:
    A THAMES RC SPECIAL
    some examples of the fine coaching talent on offer at TRC:

  • "Hang off the blades as if you're hanging off a crucifix"

  • "Who taught you to row like that? Your dog?"

  • "Will you stop fucking crying and row?!" (to a single sculler)

  • "Your bow side is so bad we're going to switch you onto stroke side and start again from scratch" (said in response to "why am I the one who has to change sides?")

  • "My granny stirs her coffee harder than you're stroking that boat"

  • "It's not fucking dressage"

  • ""The ham sandwich would have beaten all of them" (after seat racing a sculler first in a single, then in a double with various other people)

    and finally some very special (but sadly non-Thames) coxing calls:

  • "By the end of this piece I want you sweating like Michael Jackson in a nursery"

  • "I was aware that there was a significant risk of you being sick over me during that race" (to stroke, at the end of winning a race)

  • "Stick your tits out like there's a cute boy in front of you"

  • "Row very hard in that direction" (detailed race plan)

  • "Sit up! It's a backbone, not a wishbone... you look like a dog fucking a football"

  • "Well done, you’ve pushed the crew in front to its over-bump..."

  • "Stroke? You couldn't stroke my cat"

  • "You have no monopoly on PAIN, Peterhouse!"

  • "They tell me that it’s all a matter of physics. If you pull harder you go faster." (overheard at the Cam Regatta (about 30 years ago) from the cox of a coxed four many lengths behind its opponent)
    • GEMS FROM THE FENS
    The 2007 Senior and Novice Fairbairn Cup races - as organised by Jesus College Cambridge for the inhabitatnts of Fenland Poly, took place last week (29th and 30th of November). As usual with college racing, the activity on the water was frantic and highly entertaining, especially for those watching and listening from the relative safety of the bank.

    During the Novice races the following coxing techniques were observed:

  • "CATCH.....CATCH.......CATCH.......CATCH (could prove to be a long race)...

  • 'Now just keep going guys, keep going, that's good, keep going.' (coming off the start)

  • Off the start, again... 'Right, two, drop out, four, drop out, six drop out, ok strokeside DROP OUT '...CRRRRUNCH.
    • Extra points for the Peterhouse four that appeared to stop 30 strokes after the start to de-kit. As well as for the eight that rowed past really hard towards the end of the race, then two fell off his seat, bow looked at him, stopped rowing, then put his hand up and looked at the coach.

    Not to be outdone - the senior races also threw up some entertainment on the coxing front:

  • "You can't afford to get tired now!" (Hughes hall cox, coming up to halfway)

  • "I can see in your faces that it hurts..." (helpful)

  • "So, we're not TOO far from the railway bridge, and THEN it will be halfway" (really helpful)

  • "er guys, could you just put some more work down in the water... ready... go!" (Magdalene)
    • Credit to the polite Downing cox, who, on hearing 'Good steering, Downing, well done' from their coach, a certain Mr Watson... stopped talking to the crew and thanked him. (Whipper - what are you doing to them???! - Ed)

    And finally - the Newnham alumni crew in the senior women's division appeared to have someone of a different gender at six - quite impressive in both the women's division and as a Newnham alumnus!

    n.b. said gentleman has since been identified as one Tim Granger who comments:
    "the boat was entered by the Newnham Gryphens, which is their boat club alumni society. As I coached Newnham for about 4 years I'm a member of the Gryphens, and was going to watch the race - until I got a call the night before asking if I had a wig to wear..."

    Full results can be seen at
    jcbc.jesus.cam.ac.uk/Fairbairns/FairbairnsResults.html

    MOTIVATIONAL SOUNDBITES FOR ASPIRING COACHES - PART 5
    Might put these into their own page soon - some more classics below.

  • "CELEBRATE THIS BOAT !!!!!!" (The cox of a J4x+ overheard about 200m before the finish of the Hampton Junior Head [very loud])

  • "Oi stroke ! Leave the thinking to me!""

  • "I have fed the results into the computer... ie my brain , and you're dropped"

  • "every one a coconut!" (I had a coach who used to shout this, absolutely no idea what he was on about)

  • "Let me introduce you to a radical new concept - it's called the front half of the slide" (must be said in a voice of withering contempt)

  • "you look like you are trying to hit the water with your handbag"

  • "Oi, F****r, I am going to call you Sainsbury's as you're Rowing like a man pushing a shopping trolley. Get your wrists flat"

  • "If you want to do dressage then piss off to the equestrian centre and don't come back"

  • "You're sculling like a man escaping from Alcatraz, sit up"

  • "I am going to call you Bucket as you can't row stroke side and we would have been better served by putting a bucket over the side of the boat"

  • "do you have a pact with the fishes - is that why you don't put your blade in the water?"

  • "A light caress of the nipple" (Said by an older male coach to a young women's eight didn't go down too well)

  • "You're missing it at the front ... you're not connecting through the middle ... in fact, your whole concept of rowing is wrong"

  • "Pull with your left hand, ......no your left hand, .......your LEFT hand,.................................................. Try your other left hand."

  • "Rowing is very simple. You put your blade in square, pull, take it out square, easy ... anybody who says something different is a c**t and anybody who can't do it is a c**t !"

  • A reader writes: - At HRR my VIII had stopped at the upstream end of Temple Island on the course side. Tucked into the island bank to keep out of other crews’ way the toffs and tarts on the lawn of Temple Island stared down and started to ask us, (chinless and champagne-fuelled), questions. Our coach’s voice boomed through his megaphone from the towpath. "Molesey! How many time have I told you not to speak to the nouveau riche."
    • MOTIVATIONAL SOUNDBITES - PART 4

  • Late eighties, from an OUBC coach to an Oxford development crew:

    From the coaching launch: "'R' either there’s something wrong with your pitch, or you’re a c*nt."
    An hour later, ashore and pitch gauge in hand, coach strolls over: "I’ve checked the pitch R and you’re a c*nt."

  • "Three, you're rowing like a christmas tree......" (?!?)

  • "Stroke it like a Lady, don't bang it like a whore!"
    • PRETTY PICS
    Random website with some gorgeous pictures of the Tideway, mainly around the Hammersmith area - includes quite a number of rowers and boats.

    Defn worth a look.

    www.americangrey.co.uk

    MORE SOUNDBITES FOR ASPIRING COACHES
    They just keep coming... (tidewayslug@aol.com if you have any more)
    COOKING AND CREW
    Clarissa Dickson Wright on lust and CUBC...

    The Fat Lady Sings

    Wii ROWING?
    Odd, very odd... (I am reliably told it's very difficult)

    Mario and Sonic Olympics - Rowing trailer

    MORE MOTIVATIONAL SOUNDBITES